Farewell

I'm fading away. I grow more intangible everyday. I move in this space as a wisp, an afterimage, an imitation. I'd scream but I'm locked away. The dull faces on the people I pass confirms to me that they are faded away also. And now I fade.

No lack of things to say. But the strength to say them fades. No lack of imagination. But the strength to be part of it fades. No lack of hope. But the faith to believe in hope fades.

I will leave this place, I don't know when. It will come like a thief in the night and it will take the last of my essence and I will pass from fade into oblivion. I may not get the chance to say farewell. Whether I stay locked in fade or cast down into darkness I will miss. All be told I will be missed. All be praised I should be missed. But I may not get a chance to say farewell.

Farewell. Farewell from the person I was to whatever occupies my spatial coordinates next. Farewell from the laughter that I gave as it slowly transitions to whatever giggles I give. Farewell from the person you think you know until the person you've yet to meet. Farewell to all that have kept the faith more than the person pledged to keep the faith. Farewell from the virtual presence that was but an act of the physical man who fades away. Farewell from the now until the uncertainty of whatever happens next.

From my days in church you would always know the end of service, because there was a song that was sung at the end. With the last line being until we meet again. Members of the congregation could be relatively sure that next week they would all meet again. But just in case, we said our goodbyes every Sunday and hugged. As a child I rejoiced at that sentence! I was free! Free to be something else! Free to be somewhere else! Free of the expectations! Now decades later it brings sorrow. I don't want to be free. I don't want to be something else. I don't want to be somewhere else. I don't want to be free of the expectations.

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This is for Sayana. I wrote long before social media. I will write and dream long after. But I do not know where I will be when I write and dream. But I do know that if I do not write and dream to you and others like you I will miss you dearly. So if I fade away without warning, know that it is because of you and your kind that I was ever seen at all.....