Hell
My days are long and pointless. My nights are tortured dreamscapes of nightmarish repetition. I cry out to empty ears. I hold to empty arms. I seek the illusion of comfortless comfort. My friends are many. But what do you ask of a cardboard cutout that has no depth?
Speakers of God are practitioners of a deity that they scarcely understand. They no longer hear the words of their flock. Nor do they see with their eyes the true need of the needy. Pompous, arrogant, and soo self-important are they. Never capable of thinking they're wrong.
And what of me? I stare into the abyss, with no more answers than when I started. Infinite understanding of where I stand. But yet no wisdom as to what next? What was my Holy Grail, my holy writ, for 40 years, was no more than hollywood gold. And just as fake.
My God laughs at me. Every night I jump. Every dawn he resets. What a sick and wicked game plays out inside my mind. How incredibly racked with pain I am inside and outside of my body. He has no need of me, so little care from him is given to my choice to stay or go.
Holding on to a materialistic thread. The last and smallest part of the tapestry that is me. All of the larger threads have unraveled and fallen away. I wish to follow.
Every night I stare and I jump and I reset into the abyss.
HELL
I understand this completely. And the only thing I can say is that life truly is Hell
ReplyDeletewithout a personal one on one relationship with God. Once you have been granted that most precious of all gifts, you can bear anything, even loneliness. While reading this, I began to understand exactly what God was saying and telling you in that poem He gav e me for you and the scriptures and the messages. This write is the Question, what He gave me to give to you, is your answer. I had nothing to do with it. I didn't write it, originate it or work something up to make you feel better. It was all Him, I was merely His scribe and secretary. I stood aside and let Him take over and when He was finished and I read what He had written through my hands, I was amazed and so grateful that He had used me to get that message to you that He had been trying to get to you for years. He loves you so much. And He watches over you like a little boy is watched over by a loving daddy. Whether you believe anything I say or believe, it doesn't matter because now I know that I know that I know that the reason He brought us together was to give you that message and He knew I would be willing to let Him give it through me. I am so humbled by that, James. The Lord's eyes are upon you and His hand is upon you. He's just waiting on you to realize that and stop holding Him at arm's length but to truly let Him into your life with all doors opened and withholding nothing from Him. Most people would kill to receive the gift that He just gave to you. He told you exactly what He thought of you and how He sees you and how proud of you He is. You are a most blessed man and you don't even know it. If He had not given me that message for you and overshadowed me when all I had in my mind was to type out some goofy funny comment, I don't think I would be writing this now or continuing to communicate with you because you frightened me the other night and I didn't know if I could handle your intensity. But after He let me see how important you are to Him and how much He loves you , well, it changed everything for me. If He thinks that highly of you, then you must be someone worth knowing. Period.
As always I'm proud but you had the courage to type. Put on this one I had to put the phone down and walk away. Rage is the best word I guess I can use to describe. And I can't explain it because again just as text rice with misunderstanding and I'm not going there. Do me a favor re-read what I wrote slowly keeping in mind I'm not new to the face any face. Nor am I news to a one-on-one with God. And then tell me you get the same impression. Now I guess we can agree to disagree but since we are talkin about me you couldn't be more wrong.
DeleteI cannot say that I understand anything you said in the last reply but how you could be angry at what I said to you, I do not know. It was a message full of love and understanding and full of encouragement. I don't know why you choose to read anything negative into it. Nor do I understand why you keep reaching out to me and at the same time push me as far away as you can. If I can't be myself around you and speak my heart to you, how can I be your friend? You seem more interested in defending your position or point of view than you do in sharing and learning. I am not going to argue with you either nor did I know there was anything to argue about but since God let me look into your soul the other night and see the good and bad and let me feel His great love for you..........I don't think I am wrong in the least. I will always go with God's opinion over man's. I'm sorry you cannot do me the same favor and see into my heart and how I have only ever tried to show you care and concern . But I can't get past your anger, that walled city that you reside in and refuse to knock down the walls to let anyone else in that might bring a ray of sunshine in there through a tiny crack or two. God knows I tried.
Deleteunopened boxes
i sent to you a lovely gift
i tried to give your soul a lift
i tried to make your sad face smile
though you were far away in miles.
i talked with you for hours on end
'bout where i'm going and where i've been
i shared my heart, my soul, my dreams
but it was all for naught it seems.
i tried to make you laugh with me
i tried to make your blind eyes see
i tried to touch your wounded soul
but for my warmth you returned cold.
i cannot make dark go away
i cannot turn the night to day
i cannot sing and make you glad
for you exult in being sad.
i wanted so to make you see
that God has love for you and me
that in His plan He has a part
if you will give Him all your heart.
i laughed with you and cried with you
i told you things i knew were true
i gave you real friendship and caring and grace
but the door that was opened was slammed in my face.
so i will go and leave you there
where i first met you in your despair
my gifts were unopened, my presents untouched
my words were rejected and that hurts so much.
i will not knock on a double locked door
i will not call your name anymore
i gave you my sweetness though you did not see
and my greatest of gifts, which was.......me. which was me.
by rhonda Voo
Jan 31, 2004
ll:45 p.m
And here we have 100% proof of what I said about misunderstandings in text. That's why no Temple I've ever been to does any of their things in text messaging
DeleteYou cannot hear my inflections in mere words. You cannot hear all of my heart and punctuation. And you cannot ask for clarification if all you do is read One Direction.
What you interpreted in my reply is not what I meant. What you assume that I see you is not the whole of what I feel. Your understanding of why I feel it is off.
I learned long ago that when I suspect something always ask for clarification. Especially if I don't know the person. I wish you had asked before you assumed that what you think or read you understood the way I intended it.
I can accept that I should have written it better. But I am human and I am allowed to fail. But so are you. And you should have asked.
Misunderstandings break my heart. Because I know how they can be avoided. And they break my spirit when I have no control over with the other person refuses to do about those misunderstandings.
But you say you're very spiritual and you want to read me a scripture. What do the scriptures say about making things right with your brother? I've never read a passage that says assume you're right and give up and walk away. Maybe we're reading different Bibles.
I love you, Voo. You misunderstood. And I cannot explain it to me this way. I'm sorry , Stay blessed