What's left?

If you're struck by even one hydrogen atom at relativistic speeds the resulting release of energy in the form of radiation will be more than fatal.

I've been informed there's nothing left for me. My suit will recycle oxygen. It will synthesize proteins. It will keep me until my body wears out. But it will not get me back inside the ship.

I can see my fellows through the viewports. They don't seem to notice me. Or else they don't seem to care. Maybe they think I'll be fine. And maybe I will. But the God at the controls has informed me, there's nothing left for me.

If I cut the tether I will continue to travel with the ship. An object in motion tends to stay in motion. It's the law. Space is vast. So I can't even count on the chance encounter of meeting a loving hydrogen atom to end this hell.

How much longer? A day, a year, decade? Was this an accident? No, a murder. Is it a matter of time? Or will it just be time? The god at the controls won't bring me in. He won't send an atom to end me. He only pilots the ship.

In space no one can hear you scream. Or cry. Inside your helmet you can hear them both. You can hear them until you forget it's you that's doing them. I can still see them all through the viewport. Others have passed this way and now you get to follow. And it scares you. It scares you to death.

You've heard of the others that went this way. Are they somewhere close by drifting with the ship? Were they caressed buy a loving atom? Space is vast. And to find one would be a once in a lifetime gift. But the cold, dark, and cruel is everywhere. And I have been informed that there is nothing left for me.

The empty vacuum does not care if you're brave. The cold does not care if you have a good heart. And at the speed you're traveling the lightspeed does not care if you've moved on. It's all relativistic. You will travel to where the passengers travel. Just not with them.

From out here you've learned the secret. There is no meaning to any of it. Encounter with happiness. Encounter with old age. Encounter with a particle of dust. Energy cannot be created nor destroyed. It's a conservation. You will travel in some medium forever. And there will be nothing left for you. It's all just a matter of time.

The last thought that goes through a bug's mind as it hits your windshield is it's ass. How much longer will I have to think on this before I think of mine?