I Exist

One of my favorite parts of this movie. A very dramatic and painful writing of anguish. Reminds me that even in Hollywood there are some who can really write. Either that or it just resonates with me. Potato potato etc. etc.

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Owing to what drives us. For we each believe that we were born for something, for some reason. 

Understanding that some of us are not driven by anything. For whatever reason we've given up. Turned our backs once the dissolution has set in. 

Merciful that some of us are driven by too many things. Given the benefit that with so many things it is impossible to lose enough.

I was created for one purpose. I existed for one particular ray of sunshine. I breathed for a series of events under a different sun. My purpose, my time in the sun, my wish now obsolete. Your back turned, my existence rendered inconsequential. Unworthy of a second thought. Undeserving of an explanation. Never a thought to an apology. You have taken it all from me.

Like a ship with a loyal pilot at the helm, every course I've set was to lead to paradise. Every turn of the wheel was for better direction home. Every chiming of the bell was an announcement of seeing you get there first. Without you no ship. If not for you no journey. Minus your soul, irrelevant any need of mine.

Look. Look at me! Look at what you've done! Have you no pride in my devotion? Then have you pride in my destruction! Dust, dust is all you leave in my path. Tears turned ash, blood turned tar, heart rotted in desecrated flesh. Build your altar here! Let all see your power, your mercy, what you call love.

It is no wonder why they call you Mistress, no mercy, Dragon. 

I was taught to care. I was conditioned to ask. I was blessed to feel. You were believed to be my equal. Where were you raised, in a brothel? No matter, no sin that I can't forgive. No mistake that I can't correct. No phenomenon on this planet that I have not been created to overtake. Not as long as I have my heart. And none but you can destroy that. So that's exactly what you did. You will walk from this untouched. But if there is a God you will never rise. If there is a God you did not do his work. We have both failed him this day.

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I don't think I really feel better. I should feel better, shouldn't I? Oh well, for the joy of writing.

"So shall it be written. So shall it be done!"~ The Pharaoh of Texas