The Long Haul into time.

Original post 6/2/17

Boosting out system 45 degrees north of the ecliptic. Pulling 50% of C and accelerating. A nice leisurely pace. I look back on the system and I contemplate. I will never see it this way again. 

I will never gain back the loved ones that I leave behind. Is this their death or mine. Will they look up at the night sky and mourn my loss more than I mourn theirs? Through subjective time I will feel their loss as though it happened yesterday. Although they will have been dead for centuries. My heart will ache without remedy. Without resolution. When I return will I find markers to their lives and tribulations? Will I be able to log on to what amounts to an internet and read their blogs their poetry? I fear they're all lost to me. And through subjective time I will feel this anguish forever.

I was almost part of them this time. I almost felt like I belonged this time. My God what have I done! Another subjective trip only to find myself outcast, out of time, out of place. These long hauls are the hardest. Few undertake them, fewer come back. God help me fix this.

Sit back, relax, slow your breathing, quiet your heartbeat, free your mind. Focus on her. The love, the power. Feel It flow, follow the source. Back, back, to its source, to the event. Increase the gravity, fall towards her singularity. Fold space and time, return to then, say goodbye to now. It has to work this time. Go through oblivion. Go home again, it has to work. I'm running out of time. I have to go home. It has to work this time....