Shhh

I've been gifted with a secret. But Shhhh, I can't tell you what it is. 

It is simultaneously horrible and beautiful. It is sad that it happened but beautiful now that it's done. But Shhhh, I can't tell you what it is. 

It's not about you. But it has you in it. You are a bright spot and a disappointment all at once. It's about my friends but not my best friends. It's about my children but not my kids. It deals with my lovers but not my love. But Shhhh, I can't tell you what it is. 

I've been gifted but not because I'm gifted. It's nothing I would have ever dreamed of. Nothing I would have ever asked for.  Something I always sing about. Something I would have died for. But Shhh, I can't tell you what it is. 

It's like the rules to the game, that I never liked playing. It's like the truth, that I never could bear to hear. It's like a commission to a great office, that doesn't exist. It's like a preamble, with no constitution. But Shhh, sadly I can't tell you what it is. 

Shhh, I love you. But you can't hear the secret. I'll hold you and send you all that I love. All of my warmth. Everything that I am. I will make you feel like my Galaxy. And you will be my gravity. I would die for you. But Shhh, I can't tell you. 

I will dream with you. I will dream of you. I will never leave you. And I will tell you many secrets. But Shhh, this one I cannot. Because you don't exist. But I will tell you when I join you. 

Until then Shhh, My secret....