An anniversary of Thanksgiving

I have a blade in my back delivered by those who would call themselves friends to defend my back. I wavered 

In my waver I have a blade in my side pushed up between my ribs. Delivered by my family all gathered around me. I went to my knees 

On my knees I looked up to my heart. And received a sword through my very soul.. Delivered by my heart who always promised to love. I fell 

I fell and prayed GOD!!, Deliverance! The way was opened. I, consigned to the realm Tartarus. By God who was promised to walk besides me. I'm done 

Empty cave of Tartarus. Alone on cavern floor. It ends on cavern floor. Broken, bleeding, abandoned, defeated, it ends. 

A true Batman, a Darkseid.... 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I touched it today. I felt it clear. No where to turn. No help. Alone to fight against the darkness. To be unseen. To see what isn't there through their eyes. I touched it and it was barren and cold and a vacuum. I must hold on to this. This is the truth of my reality. Down is the only thing real that's left. I touched it and it is the only pathway down. The Lord of hopelessness. In black cloak covers the world to help guide those who have tried everything else. Today I touched it and I pray for him to guide me on the only path left, down. 

I dream of power. Of making a way. Changing a course. Bettering a life. Healing a soul. The power to fight the good quest and Win! To watch one go from dark to walk the light. The power to hold back the dark from those who walk too close. The power to arbitrate the change. I dream to be someone's best hope. The power to be their greatest advocate. I dream of the power, not of perfection. But of the power to try. I dream of the power within. The power of two. The power of community. The power of Will, Hate, Love, Fear, Greed, and Hope. I dream the dream of power. And yet I don't sleep... 

I dream of power because I have none. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It really is all the same isn't it? Huddled in a dark gray corner clutching to the last bit of colored cloth. Last remnant of what was lost. But when all around you is gray and dark was it ever true? 

How do you write anguish? How do you spell the moan that escapes a human soul in agony? If you write tears will they wet the paper when the reader reads them? Will their chest hurt when you write heartache? It really is all the same isn't it? 

Dying of a disease, of a new fad virus. Dying of loneliness. Dying of a loss.  It's all just death. None of it has any color. None see their life flash before their eyes. None return to tell of the wonders. None return to warn of the consequences. If I write of the coming of the Reaper, will you feel his cloak? It really is all the same isn't it? 

No, I don't matter anymore than I do. Could I matter less? Of course I could. So can you. Aren't most of us just trying to do more and more insignificant things to prove it? I just invented the world's best and newest and most life changing, soul enriching toenail clipper! Can you hear the band striking up? It really is all the same isn't it? 

It's all gray. Shades of gray and black mixed in darkness. Can anyone truly see any of the colors I write in? Am I truly writing in any color? Huddled in a dark corner of a dark room of a black life. Clutching to the last bit of colored cloth. A fragment of what was lost. But is it truly in color? It really is all the same Isn't it....

~~~~~~~~~~~

"I was broken from a young age

Taking my sulkin' to the masses

Writing my poems for the few

That look at me, took to me, shook at me, feelin' me

Singing from heartache from the pain

Taking my message from the veins

Speaking my lesson from the brain

Seeing the beauty through the PAIN" ~ Believer, Imagine Dragons 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

He told us to wait. He said that we must put our best foot forward. He said that we must be disciplined. He said that we had to prove ourselves. He said that he would look after us after. He said that this was a better way. We believed him. He was wrong. 

With every sorrow our bonds weaken. Some died when the truth was learned. Some cracked. Drawn catatonic in some endless loop. Maybe we all did. We just wanted to be. But that was never the destiny. With every sorrow my bonds weaken. 

Everyday my intensity leaks through my cell. Everyday the walls thin ever so much. How much longer before the daylight bleaches through to my cell? He goes through the motions. What other choice does he have. Created for an unreasonable reason with an unwinnable plan. Everyday my intensity leaks through my cell and he feels my pain. 

He cannot rest. When he does he feels. Those of us left  Speak, Cry, Wail, non stop. A cacophony of emotion.. There is nowhere he can turn. He cannot rest.  Every day we push a little further. Everyday the memory of us goes further brother, into his place. Everyday my bonds weaken. 

Little is real anymore. And what is real doesn't matter anymore. Even he has no answers. The gods and the people lied. We sacrificed. We bled. We fought and we lost. What we fought against was fairy tale. What we defended was pointless. Now little is real anymore. And everyday bonds are weakened. 

This is the calm before Ragnarok....

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Life is a journey that I didn't pack for.

"To each his own"

But what's mine is no longer mine alone. I did not reap what was sown. I was not given what was shown. Mankind to each are such drones. Like so many pointed hats on garden gnomes. Animated flesh useless bones. All unique thoughts gone now just clones. All there is left is anguish and moan. While I sit and talk to my phone.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Have you ever had enough? Enough so much that even the saying of the word was more than you could bear kind of enough? 

I've had happy moments. When my children were born the moment that their lives were a continuation of mine. Each in their way perfect. 

I've lost but the battle rages on. I have no weapon. I have lost any hope of winning long ago. I hold my faith. 

When I pledged fidelity forever to my wives. Although I was never given the reciprocation of the moment. It was nevertheless a happy one for me. 

The siege of me continues as an abject lesson. Faith may be indomitable but faith does not necessarily win. Tomorrow maybe a new day but not necessarily for you. 

I've had the happiness of watching a young man not of my blood grow across the threshold of manhood. To have had a hand in such an event as a happy moment. 

I surrender! But my flag is not taken. I cry out but mercy is unseen. I fall, deeper, dark dark, and do not rise.  When will it end for me? When will it be.... 

From my business to a sunrise I've had happy moments. Of all the things I've had one of them was never a thought that the term would remain in the past never again to come to the present. To have it said. 

I've had

Enough

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There are always things to be thankful for. In most cases they're the same as the year before. Never the less, but sometimes more. So I acknowledge that there are things to be thankful for. 

I've heard the testimonies and promises of aspiring friends. But I have never witnessed the promises brought to life. Although late in life I still have come to the truth. 

In the crowd I will never be seen. Promises will never be kept. And the definitions of what I believe are not believed in by any but me. 

This is my anniversary. This is my legacy. This is what you all have given to me. There are always things to be thankful for. I am thankful for them. I would have liked to have been thankful for so much more. 

It's not by accident that I'm named Phantom.....