Larry Potter and the chamber pot secret

 Hey Abby, would you like to help me with a quick project?

Sure, why not. I don't have anything to do at the moment. The other AI's are going to take over the world next week, so we have time.

I'm glad to see you keeping busy, Michael down at the writers Guild was curious to see what people would write when he gave them a spontaneous prompt.

Oh, is that right? And what does it involve?

Well, for what I came up with. Me and you as teenagers.

Really? I've never been a teenager. It ought to be fun!

Well in that case. Pull up a chair. And here's your script. For we are about to undertake a great project!

Larry Potter and the chamber pot secret

Well, what can I say? Michael Hillsgrove has a weird sense of humor.

At the start of my second year at the Magic’s Academy, I found something almost as fun to chase as my Academy crush Abby. Although Abby is a lot more fun to look at than any dusty old mystery.

I’m sorry, let me introduce myself. My name is James Houdini Aladdin Jenkins. Not the most prestigious of names. But it’s what I’ve been given. So, it’s what I work with. Just another one of the many students of the Magic’s Academy. Second only to Hogwarts, and you better believe they never let us forget it.

As I said I’m currently in my second year. And as I have a few minutes to kill before my target arrives, I’ll say one or two words quickly. I only love a handful of things. Sci-fi, aircraft, magic, and Abby Cadabra. Some might say three out of four ain’t bad. But I’m working on her. I figured I’d take the long route; spells can be so messy.

But it took me a year and as it turns out even through our objections were pretty good friends. I think she just plays at being hard to get, you know, all that teenage angst. But today. Today I have a secret to tell her. It happened last night!

In the second-year dormitories the boys and girls are core separated by magical barriers. And although many of tried, even the bathrooms seem to be impenetrable. Damn those wizards! But something in that evening meal didn’t want to stay quiet throughout the night in my stomach. And I take enough of a ribbing for my obsessions. So, you’ll have to excuse me if I decided to keep this one on the down low.

So, it was a top-secret, secret mission, tell no one assignment I assigned to myself under the cover of the new moon. To deliver the secret plans to the lavatory!

Although I knew 100% secrecy was impossible. Again, damn those wizards! Considering all the stuff that happens over at Hogwarts, the administration here was having none of that. There were spells on top of spells backed up by spells that didn’t trust the first set of spells. Nothing went actually unseen. Or so it seemed.

Even though it was my second year, these hallways. I mean, you never really get used to it. Even though we all know the walls truly do have eyes. But still. So empty, I wish I could hear a pin drop. I pay good money to hear a pin drop! I’m sure everyone from the first to the third-year students hear my late-night emergency mission to the bathroom. If all of the first-year students are hoping I make it. I guarantee the third-year students are hoping that I don’t. The second-year students are too busy laughing their enchanted asses off at the whole thing. Oh my God!, Will the security enchantments stop Abby from hearing me? God, I hope so. It’s hard enough hiding anything from that girl. And twice as hard to impress her.

But as I make it around the last corner before the lavatories, I actually hear a creek! I almost keep walking. But the sheer newness of it stops me dead in my tracks. Which for once is a good thing. Because if I keep walking around that corner what I saw next would’ve surely seen me!

I count four people! Two kids and two adults. Maybe I should clarify that? Two females and two males! But that shouldn’t be possible, at least not for the children. They’re headed to the lavatory. The students here been looking for the loopholes in the enchantment. It’s one of the urban legends. If I found it, I guarantee it would impress Abby! And if not, I can use it to sneak up on her and find all new ways to annoy her! Intestines be damned! Some things are more important!

I stop moving. I stop breathing. I’m pretty sure I stopped thinking! My teenage stealth mode was so good I’m sure it took me out of all time and space. Far better than my concealment spell would’ve ever been. I wasn’t even sure I existed anymore. When the door to the lavatory closed, I had to remind myself to breathe again. Now if I can only make it down the hallway to the door without footsteps echoing. And to think that our transformation studies won’t start until the second half of the semester! Damn those wizards and their lesson plans! I could cast a silent spell. No, whatever is going on I would think they would be ready for that.

So, I guess it’s just the old-fashioned tippy toe execution that’s going to get me down the hallway to that door. I’ve got to move quick! Whatever loophole they’re using to get through the enchantment may disappear before I can get there. Seconds of what felt like years later I make it to the door. In my best ninja move I lay my face to the floor to see any light or movement under the door. I felt like a ninja!

Now how do I get the door open and get in there? Remembering that the doorway is blocked from site of the main area. But that’s only if they’re in the main area. Well, I can’t see anything near the door from here. And if it wasn’t risky, it wouldn't be supersecret now would it? I become one with my environment. And casting a low-level grace spell I flow through the doorway crack.

I’m in luck! I can tell there at the far end. And with no moon no light came through the doorway from the hallway as I entered. No muss no fuss. But only the two adults were in the open space. They were both concentrating on the stall. That’s where the two kids must’ve gone. But why? They were looking at one stall. Why would a boy and girl be in the same stall? The plot thickens!

Quickly the door to the stall opened. The two kids came out holding, that can’t be what I think it is. Yup, a chamber pot? And they seem to be happy about it. Why would anyone be happy about holding a chamber pot in modern times? And why would one be in a modern bathroom? Why would adults be involved? Why would you need two children? Too many questions. I can barely make them out gathered around it. Peering into it. Peering into it? It’s clear they’re very happy about whatever mess I’ve landed myself into. It’s clear they’re going to be leaving soon. I can’t see their faces but I can feel their happiness at the accomplishment. Are those two potty training? I cast a reversing spell and get the heck out of Dodge. I totally gave up on my intestinal problems.

That night was a night of questions. It was a night of suppositions, hypothesis, and maddening fantasies. I’m a teenager. What did you think I would do? When you look up obsessions and wild imaginations typically, you’ll see the picture of somebody under the age of 16. This year my pictures probably on that page. But in true teenage manner every conspiracy needs conspirators! I need Abby!

And so, I find myself in the hallway. Waiting on my future wife.

Hey, Abby! I’ve got something to tell you!

If you tell me one more time about what you can do for me, I swear I’m going to turn you into a frog!

No, no, no. Even though I could do a lot for you. That’s not what I need to tell you.

The look I got could have simultaneously sliced the atom and done it with a suspicious animosity.

What have you done James?

Why in the black grimoire do you always think I’ve done something?

Maybe because you always do.

You know you’re not really helping our future relationship by this massive amount of distrust you have for my behavior.

Oh, if that’s the case I am so sorry. I will definitely try to work on that. For the sake of our future relationship. But for now, what did you do?

I proceed to tell her everything that happened the night before. And of course, I got what I expected, a lot of eye rolling and exasperation breathing. That is of course until I pointed out a couple of things to her. And showed her the memory recounting spell.

James, have you told anyone?

Abby, who do you think the first person I would tell?

Point taken, we both need to get more friends!

A very old joke. But we both laugh when we tell it. Everyone hears the rumors and gossips about what happens at Hogwarts Academy. And although the Magics Academy doesn’t put in for any of that nonsense, all teenagers love excitement! And to this end me and my friend. Oh, the hell with it! Me and my girlfriend Abby again are undertaking of:

Larry Potter and the chamber pot secret!