Cutting room floor
So much of me fought to be heard, only to find itself expended in a futile gesture to an empty stage. Now so much of me on the cutting room floor, anonymous.
Goodbye Mary, goodbye Jane. Hope you find your Paradise. We will never meet again.
I was soo much more than the empty house. Soo much more than the truck. More than the toys the books and even the poetry. But never more than the soul killing isolation. And now nothing more than the background radiation.
Why do I do this? Why must this be done? Why must the pursuit of Justice be at the cost of just us? Why must so many have destinies that entwine but mine left behind?
I'm gifted with understanding. But I am barren of acceptance. And I must once again rise. And pretend to be. What I deserve is what I know. But what I have is fact. And reality lies outside of both.
Why do I do this to myself? Why doesn't it end better? With so much of me left on the cutting room floor. I fade in sight, goodbye Mary, goodbye Jane. We will never meet again.
~~~~~~~~~~
Photo by Timm Chapman
well, this broke my heart because I have written practically the same words about myself
ReplyDeleteon several occasions. I don't who Mary and Jane and all that refers to because I have just recently started reading you and I still haven't read a whole lot so I am out of the loop, so to speak but I have learned enough to know that you and I have travelled the same roads most of our lives. Those lonely isolated roads with no roadside stands and no passing cars giving us rides as we stood on the sides of those roads in the dark. When I went to The School of the Prophetic, I was told that because of the call on my life my life has had to be one of loneliness and solitude. That prophetic people have always led this type of life, one of rejection and lovelessness. And that these types of people who have suffered the same sufferings that Jesus did will one day be granted the most intimate of relationships with Him and that will make it all worthwhile. And though I don't like it, I do believe that. And because of the call on my life and who I am in God, He does allow people to reject and hurt me but woe unto the people by whom those hurts come! I have seen swift retribution come to those who have dared to hurt me or betray me. Mind blowing things. And that makes me believe that possibly you, too, are called to the life of a prophet. You fit all the requirements and have all the attributes. I have other friends who have lived parallel lives with mine and who are soul mates to me and they have all eventually surrendered to the call on their lives and have received their answers and found peace . Who knows? It is obvious that there is something supernatural at play here. In time, hopefully it will become obvious...
Now I say this with a smile on my face but really between the two people in this room right now only one of us doesn't know what's going on. Now I am laughing when I say this but which one of us do you think that is? Remember I tagged this to send to you. LOL
Delete