My Name Is a Killing Word

My name is a killing word. I say it and down flies the bird. You whisper it and your heart just stops! The thought of it can make your brain pop.

It is used to frighten small children. In the night under the covers they hide in. Lovers cuddle for safety and warmth. For fear that my name will be mentioned from North.

My photo is used to get confession from the accused. My breath was once used for lighting of fuse. No dragon's breath better then when I utter my own name each letter.

I am the most vilest of creatures. Hello, glad to meet ya.

I've always dreamed of being loved. And try to be worthy. But the masses prefer me as killer for their Thriller. Dreams don't always come true. I found that out the hard way. But isn't that the way they do?

So I don't look into mirrors anymore. Nor stick my head out open doors. By friends and family alike. Treated like something that you would like to strike.

Once the name of Kings. Now the name of lesser things. No need to say three times to make it scary. Just the initials can kill canaries. You say it's not true so, where is your proof? Before you speak it out loud stand on the roof. Because in my life I don't live aloof. Don't toy with it not even on a goof.

You wonder why I cry at night. Why none of my relationships, I can't make them right. Why I can't have something bright in my life. Why my soulscape is a barren sight. Why I write the way I write.

My name is a killing word. It's killing me or haven't you heard.
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I have a friend, or that's what they call themselves anyway. Who in her marital problems thought it would be a good idea to tell her husband, who desperately wants to keep her that she was in love with me. And then had the nerve to tell me about it as though I would give her a metal for using me.

Even if she believes that. It is highly unlikely and she would have better luck living on the Sun. I have once told them both, do not use me as a bat to hit each other over the head with. I know what it feels like to lose. I wish that hell upon no one. But as is often the case my wishes are irrelevant. 

To any who didn't understand what I meant by being Dan Backslide'ed, it means the ability for people to use select individuals in whatever manner they see fit. No matter what that individual thinks of themselves, to ignore it and use them however you feel like using them. Labeling them with whatever label you feel like giving them.

Is this all there is to my life? To be used in a manner in which I desperately imploringly beggingly cry out to not be taken as? To have my name and everything that I am thrown out and substituted as whatever villain vile creature someone else can think of?