Smells like whipped ass in here
I'm about to whip somebody's ass
Oh lord I'm about to whip somebody's ass
If you don't leave me alone oh, you're going to have to send me home. Because I'm about to whip somebody's ass
Oh Lord won't you save me from kicking ass
Lord save me from kicking ass
Oh you think I've bout had enough of all your little trifling stuff. Oh, Lord please save me from kicking ass
You seem to think that you have class. You seem to think you have class. But if you say just one more thing. I'll beat your ass like it was lots of grass. Oh, I'm about to whip somebody's ass.
~~~~~~~~
Okay so let me explain. I already have the NAACP on bad terms with me as it is.
You see what had happened was....
There was no Russian collusion. I did not have sex with that woman. I am not a crook! And at this point senators what difference does it make?
You see what had happened was, I was minding my own business on a Sunday morning. I was reading a site filled with touching poetry and music. While I was getting ready for church no less. When my virgin and fer-tile little mind was accosted by a vicious Democratic/Republican YouTube video. Oh, the horror... Being as I'm just a poor uneducated sort, I was led astray. In true American fashion and the rights of my forefathers I'd like to take this opportunity to express my deepest remorse and apologies. Oh and before I forget blame Voo Voo.
It was her video and she corrupted this poor poor innocent mind. Don't believe me? Go to her site. If it don't fit, you must acquit! Now if you'll excuse me I'm gonna go take a knee.
Voo Voo on blog
Voo Voo on the Tube
Voo Voo on the G
My goodness she really is everywhere!
OMG!!!!! I am roflmao here,,,,,,,,,,,,,you crazee man, you!!! This is hysterical!!! I am SO
ReplyDeletesorry I have corrupted you in any way, form or fashion. And if I may, how did I accomplish
that oh, so, powerful feat?? You seem like a big ole he-man that cannot be touched or
tainted to me, so how did I do it?? If you had not gone poking around on youtube you would have never found that nasty little duck singing his nasty little song.............so....
don't blame me!!! I guess your mom won't let you keep me now, huh???? So you're gonna put little VooVoo out in the cold with all those tornadoes flying around over my head tonight? For shame!!!!
haha ha jk this was so funny, Ray. thanks for cheering me up.
I am a very impressionable virgin soul. LOL hahaha not to mention one pina colada short of a pina colada.
DeleteWell, doesn't that mean you are Not a pina colada, in fact?? (I am a legal secretary, so.....you have to take facts as facts, see?) I will get technical on your
Deletea--, sir. You have met your match. Engarde'!!!
Nope, no pina colada am I. Boohoo, only a daiquiri. A legal secretary huh. Do you take briefs? And if so do you give them back? Or is the reason why lawyers are so long-winded is because you took the brief? Do you ever feel strange when Charlie Brown says good grief? Do you pick up your Notepad? If you write the briefs on a sheet of paper are they still brief? You see I'd like to be brief but I have a feeling you would only just take it!
Deleteoh, God help me, my side is splitting here with all this jovial verbiage!!! you should be on the Comedy Club circuit!!! too funny.
DeleteTo answer your impertinent question, sir, No, I do Not nor have I Ever taken a brief...........in court or otherwise. I do take shorthand and longhand but I do not engage in the taking of underwear. I did take a thong once....but that's a story for another time...........ahem. Good grief is actually one of my usual sayings, in fact. That and Holy Moly Ravioli!!! Did you ever read any of my online story Aachoo Voo, Private Eye?? I think I can fit your character into that ongoing novelette. Who would you like to be? The mobster is already taken and so is the Shellac Salesman. Who is deceased actually..... hmmm
so would you like to be one of Aachoo's many boyfriends/and or victims? I see destruction and mayhem in your future....................ha!
https://bluevineyard.blogspot.com/2017/06/all-8-episodes-of-aachoo-voo-private.html
Oh, Lord!! I hadn't heard your version of the song till just now!!! omg!! You bad bad preacher!!! lol oh, that was too funny. oh, my goodness. Boyee, you need to take a knee...................both knees, in fact. The Lawd is gonna getcha!!! That was Priceless!!!
ReplyDeletebut where did the Republican/Democrat thing come in to play in this soap opera? I aint no Democrat Republican. ...... I ain't even no publican. and no demo and no crat. I am a Spanish/French/AfroAmerican/Indian and a 100% American thru and thru.
Hallelujah!!!
by the way, you really can preach. And you make a good audience for yourself, too.
haha Yep, just as I thought......you are just as crazy as me. Maybe crazier......IDK
Are you dangerous? we shall see. Voo
ps. I loved the song. You have a good voice. And I think I am being entirely too nice to you.....................blame Voo, indeed! ha!
5
LOL I wanted to make sure I included his many pop culture references as I could. I used to be dangerous but they took me to the vet and had me fixed.
DeleteWhew!!! *wipes forehead* thank God for that!
DeleteIf it don't fit, you must acquit!!!!!?????? Who are you, the ghost of Johnny Cochran?? rofl
ReplyDeleteI'm Everywhere................I'm Everywhere!!!!!! lol I am laughing so hard I am crying here......
Well after being told that my writing made you cry I thought I'd try and make you laugh. It looks like we've gone full circle again. What a revolting development this is! LOL
DeleteRevolting!!! Yes, isn't it? Or did you inadvertently mean, revolving development?? Nope, you had it right........revolting plumb revolting.
Deletebut fascinating............I know I should, but I can't look away............oh
btw I like a man who can make me laugh and cry. Only not in that order.
Preferably in the exact opposite order.....cry, then laugh. that works best
LOL I remember your short stories Detective. But I didn't read the whole thing through I will have to go back through and read it. But for tonight I'm off to work. You take care and be safe.
DeleteUntil tomorrow dawns anew, a day begins
Someone call 911 these two need help. 😁 I was waiting for u to whoop up on someone, just not on the Virgin. I guess it was not worth the fight ?
ReplyDeleteLOL no, all in fun. Just an inspiration and I hope humorous for all readers and listeners
DeleteYes the yellow duck is always fun James. I love the banter it is so interesting . I am going to miss this site and your fun come backs.😁
ReplyDeleteThat is very nice of you to say. I will miss you guys too. Did you follow the link to my podcast and hear me sing my version?
DeleteJames, For some reason the print on this site is so big it limits the space on my phone I did not see a link and/or I did not know what I was looking at. Can you telle how to walk down that yellow brick road to it and I'll listen to it when I get to work 😱 free wifi there😊
ReplyDeleteTry this
Deletehttps://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-iyzm5-a9a240
Okay I received I'll listen at work. My work phone here is very low on go-go juice. Thanks James, you know I have trouble sometimes navigating the internet waterways. *Hugs*
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome have a good day
Deleteoh, that was FUN! wow!
ReplyDeleteLol
Deletehttps://bluevineyard.blogspot.com/2023/02/aachoo-voo-private-eye-im-moving-her.html up to 22 episodes now you're in these episodes...https://aachoovoo.blogspot.com/2021/04/aachoo-voo-private-eye-episode.html https://aachoovoo.blogspot.com/2021/06/aachoo-voo-private-eye-episode-17.html I've got to get back to writing
DeleteThanks
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