Worst thing ever. A happy story

Chapter 1 

Worthless things to be told

I have been told that life is not all doom and gloom.

No shit? Really? I would have never guessed. Wow what a mind blowing sentiment of stupidity and you don't say!

I've Been Told never give up never surrender. The sun will come out tomorrow. It won't always suck!

Sweet reality-bending pretzel! I sometimes feel like people are nothing but cliche filled pinatas and if you're beat them hard enough you'll get enough cliches the fill every fortune cookie ever made with a different piece of worthless paper!

Chapter 2

Profits are a weird bunch

They don't wear robes walking sticks sandals and have very bad hairdos. They tend to be very hard to spot. They don't always say cute little things to fit the moment. In fact it is really hard to prove that their profits at all.

Of all the things the government can regulate you would think that that would be regulated. They should have signs or something. But the most mesmerizing thing about profits is that a lot of them don't even know that they are. Yeah, it is that hard to truly find one. Oh, did I forget to mention that they can turn off the prophecy ability as well. So that means that the ones that don't know that their profits have faulty switches that glitch and you just have to figure out when they're being prophets and when they're just being ordinary make 50,000 mistake a day human. 

I don't trust them! Sneaky. Their underhanded. And if they don't like you, they'll lie to you, set you up with a false prophecy. lull you into a false sense of security. Watch you struggle in the pit and never tell you the ladder was on your left.

Is it any wonder that if one gives you hope good tidings, that you look at them with the stink eye and keep walking into the pit?

And it's always the little short ones that are soo sneaky!!

Chapter 3

King Kong ain't got nothing on me!

I moved into a neighborhood and all the other alpha males submitted and moved away. There can be only one, Highlander! I'm immune to covid-19 for the simple fact it wouldn't dare! The dark cloud over my head is basically there because I need the shade, I live in a desert. I would have told the sun to back off but that would be mean to the other people who like having it around. Yeah, I'm considerate like that. Consequently love doesn't make the world go round. I did that because I can't stand the same scenery in the sky all the time.

I'll stop global warming when I get good and damn ready. I know where the thermostat is! The last time I was in fear of fear is when I thought I knocked him out for good. I'd get in a lot of trouble with God if I kill it.

Ya though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I have feared no evil. For when I was there my rod and staff they comfort me and evil was smart enough to head for the Hills. I've stood on the valley floor and raged to the sky, space, to universe, and the dimension... King Kong's got nothing on me!!!!

Chapter 4

The end is near. They're all too cute

I was surprised. Don't get me wrong I was happy. But I was surprised. Don't get it twisted my guard was up. I'm from New York, we don't go down that easy. I don't trust a big butt and a smile anymore.

But being attacked by grand kids that are far too cute for their size. To have friends that have moments of cuteness far beyond what you thought they could generate. And then, the industrial package of cuteness! Well, that's just not fair!! I mean, I've been good. Or levels of good. I pay my taxes! I subscribe to "Skeptics anonymous", "Watch your back weekly", and the "Don't trust them people over there" periodicals.

Sweet Klondike bar! Why are they so cute!!! the little ones are easy enough I can lock them in closets, bathrooms, anything with a lock that they can't figure out. But mother of all penal implants!!!!! That one over there! You can't miss her! It's like, like, a puppy and kitten factory's were smashed together at the speed of light. The mass increased and caused a huge black hole of cuteness from which at the event horizon you will not Escape!!!! When I hug her I feel like I'm going to get level 6 diabetes. The boys are adorable. The girls are little princesses. And the worst part is all of them like me......

My cloud ran. I'm scared. All you haters out there dial 911! It's going down this weekend. An angry mob of cuteness. Look out for a brother, dial 911, Man down, man down! Someone please put me back under the bus, please... somebody...... please......

And that big cute one looks hungry