Captain April Turner, Duchess of Red

A friend recently told me of their woes. For the sake of argument lets call them, Captain April Turner, Duchess of Red.

~~~~~~~ 

I've sailed 6 of the 7 seas. But the 7th has always alluded me. Success.

I sail my ship on a dead man's route. Only able to touch dry land one 1/2 days a week. No storm front of bills threaten my ship. No ship, no navy, can match my Black Pearl! I sail the 6th sea master and commander! Lay hold the sails! Run out the guns! The first one to yell "Parlay" gets my cutlass in their gullet!!

Someone get their captain an Apple. There be sweet fruit I've yet to taste and I will taste it now!

But it's bitter. It taste like motor oil. Below decks there's nothing but the constant rumble of the road. I'm at the helm but I can't smile for fear that the bugs will blanket my teeth. I bear down on the night like an avenging angel. An unstoppable force. But for what? I have no foes left. My fellow pirates think me born to this silver spoon life. They are dim believers to my tales of high piracy on the 5 seas. With no bar maidens waiting to bring me a tankard of ale in any port that I have sailed. For I have worked too hard to find the sea of success.

But I have arrived here at the 6th, haven't I?

What's that you say Ms. Turner? You don't believe in ghost stories.

Well, you best start believing because you sail the same ship. You set the same course. You're in one. But I'll leave you to it. Every pirate must set his or her own course.

For me, I've heard a rumor of an island where the ladies grow tall, the hounds of hell are pets, and the apples are sweet. To the south, a 7th sea! I set sail tonight! Never lose sight of that Captain Duchess!

Till then Ms. Turner keep the wind in your sails and the bugs out of your teeth...

Lay fast you dogs I'll be in that sea by nightfall or I'll have your hides! I aim to get me one of those tall ones and I never miss what I aim at. Now lay hard to the canvas, by every cannon ball on this deck I'll see what this 7th sea is about....