I have a date with a ghost of my past

I have a date with a ghost of my past. 

She never meant as much to me. Or maybe I never wanted to admit it. She passed long ago and yet I see her. 

We meet at the café. I tell her of my troubles and she puts her hand on mine and tells me everything will be ok. Even my ghosts lie. But in her eyes I want to believe. Why else would I date a ghost of my past? 

In the mist of my past my father approves of her. On the mortal plane he never knew her. He knew little of what I lived. But he thinks she is a good foil to my steel. 

In the mist one can never be certain of exactly an interaction. You can never see clearly of a face. Or hear exactly a word. But here on the mortal plane you can hear and see clearly and be lied to. 

My brother gets along with her. As is his usual. Teasing me about my clumsiness in it all, is usual. But he always gives the nod that I chose well. 

A date with a ghost. What did we eat? What was she wearing? How long did it last? In the realm of dream and death there's never one answer in the mist. But there is always joy and warmth in the beginning. And there is always sadness at the parting. 

She is always beautiful. She is always supportive. She always says the right things even if you can never quite remember what was said. It's never more than a dream. It's never more than inside your head. But as the eyes are the window to the soul. What other windows cross over into other realms? 

This realm has failed me and I it. God keeps it on life support because of his compassion. Or maybe I'm just not done yet. I never know. But my date with her... one of the few things I look forward to in my days. Why else would I date a ghost of my past. 

Believing in something to come in order to guide what is here now. Isn't this what we all do? I'm never late for our dates. She never minds the wait. She never tells me what I need to hear. Because I can never hear what she tells me. The mist is like that. I hang on her every word. My father says I will understand someday. I hope he's right. I need something to believe in. 

I love her. I want to love her. Words traded about in this realm so easily without power. Without meaning. Without truth. I fear to even say them for fear that they will make it all drift away. After all isn't that what it means here? Does it even exist that way in the mist? Why else would I date a ghost of my past? 

She is gone. She never was. Fantasies, dreams and unrealized directions the stuff of life's indigestions. I can't wait from one date to another. I detest being late. I need to be ready. She always waits. She's always beautiful. I never know for sure in the mist. But yet still she's more solid than anything here. 

She says nothing funny but I always laugh. It makes no sense but I always smile. I never feel it but with her hand on my shoulder I find the strength to stand up and try. It's nonsense! It's insanity! What's more, to this realm it's not real. But why else would I date a ghost from my past? 

I don't know anything about what I know far too much of. Of what could never be. Of what never was. Of what people laugh behind my back at. But then again they always have. They always will. Is it any wonder why I would date a ghost from my past. 

We will go dancing. I can only hope I learn how. I have no time and all the time to learn.