Loneliness

 Loneliness

I can't even hear the wind blowing anymore. The sun doesn't feel as bright as it used to. How long has it been since I last heard her voice? The first word of the last sentence, "Godspeed". Then the last word "good luck". Then that was it. Of course she would never say, don't go. Stay here with me! What did I ever do? Why did she try to make it sound so hopeful? Did she really care after all?

Yes it's been almost a year since that, that goodbye. It felt like she was the last human in the world. Now I just feel like I'm the only human in the world. Everyone is gone. And she eagerly and hopefully sent me away. Now I don't feel the wind. I don't see a bright sun. Everything in my vision is dim and cold. I don't see flowers anymore. I don't sit on grass anymore. It's as if all the rivers of the world went dry. And life ran away from me at speeds faster than I can chase it back.

Why do I feel so alone? Why do I feel like everyone is out there? Like they can all see me but refuse to be here. As if they would touch me, but they are so far removed from me. I don't think anyone has been this far away, as left out, as I feel right now. Christmas is coming. I won't have a tree. There's no one here to give presents to. I should've got a dog. But something tells me it wouldn't come along. To be with me now. Oh God, I am so alone...

The only thing I have left is her last sentence. Every time I look up at the sky and dream at the stars I hear it. It's on infinite repeat in my mind, heart, and soul.

"Godspeed Artemis mission, and good luck!" ~ Memoirs of first astronaut on Mars.

(And you thought your Christmas was lonely LOL)

---------- a bit of misdirection ------------