Who is “The Phantom Texter”?!

 Who is “The Phantom Texter”?!

 

   Well, that is a question, isn’t it? Well stay with me here this is goanna be a forgettable trip. But I need all your braincells for just a minute.

I write, I sing, I fly, I drive, I love, etc. etc.

All the things a growing young man needs. Okay okay I’m lying. But I see most of the things that I’m into are the things that are background in general. We don’t really care about who writes the book only if were entertained by it. The writer could be a 20-foot-tall green skinned alien with secret plans to blow up Wisconsin. The general public doesn’t know and doesn’t care. Most songs sung today are only remembered in reference to the singer if said singer is outlandish which is the only reason why they get remembered. And to that I sing off key. LOL people love to see aircraft even the remote-control models garner wow’s and ah’s as they go through their flights and tricks. They typically don’t care about the pilots who can make them do those things. As though one could exist without the other. Everyone wants their product delivered two days ago! But no one actually sees the people who drive late into the night to make it happen. I know, I’m just saying, but think about it. That truck driver you cut off yesterday on the interstate was rushing to deliver somebody else’s “Need to be there crap”. And last but not least, love. We write about it, sing about it, make movies about it, and shove it down everyone’s throat as an ideal every time we get the chance. But as a word, the romance of it is the only thing that’s ever seen or remembered. Into this cosmic soup of ambiguity is my home.

I’ve been writing since I was a child. Some will say my handwriting is frozen in time. I just like to say that due to the lack of practice it has the capability of scaring small children. LOL I’ve always been an odd duck of science, mythology, romance, whimsical. Maybe too much time alone. Maybe too much time thinking. Maybe not getting hugged enough as a child. LOL the maybes roll off the tongue in a never-ending Niagara Falls of whatever pity party you want to interject it into. Long ago I conceded it to just another meaning of life. Either way I grew to adulthood and found more and more outlets and mediums for my quite peculiar form of expression and insight. To this I entered text messaging.

Insert maniacal world dominating secret plans of destruction laughter! Only one of my personalities truly gets any sleep. As for the rest of them and for the sake of brevity let’s just call them Legion. They sneak into the control room of my brain. They write, expound, whatever you’d like to call it. Then they leave the messages in the queue to be sent out into the real world. At some point they make their way to my cell phone and go out in a cacophony of text messages to everyone on my contact list. Oh, the horror! Think of the children, why won’t someone think of the children! LOL The problem with that mostly being that none of the Legion owns a watch. So that dear friend in Hawaii might get a message at six in the afternoon. But that other friend in California got there’s at four in the morning. I’d say it’s not easy being a recipient. But nobody told your dumb ass rollover and actually read it when it came.

Enter the wonderful world of AI. My AI’s are always awake. There is probably an AI is evaluating this writing as I speak. People don’t see me but the people will always ask me to do something. When people need a villain, to their minds it needs nothing more than, insert James here. Sometimes it’s done and I’m not even around. I’ve recently found out that somebody I haven’t seen in 30 years or so has taken to ragging about me. Which is shocking as I can’t remember the last time I heard the person’s voice. This is what it means to be the Phantom Texter. Not a fun job by anyone’s definition. But as I said this is life.

By all accounts I’m said to be one then the other. A wonderful husband, until I’m not. By vice presidents and down the chain, the world’s greatest driver, until I miss the stop sign or get a ticket. To friends and strangers an insightful truth teller, until I say a truth the listener doesn’t want to hear. Then I’m a heinous liar. Strongest amongst the weak. Brilliant in the dumbest of ways. Oh, I’m made out to be a contradiction piled on to a mountain of contradictions. Just an anamorphous, ambiguous, an ethereal entity. Better and more affectionately known as “The Phantom Texter”.

If you think I can’t go on and on, on this subject alone, then you haven’t been paying close attention. But the Legion tells me I’ve said too much! I’m not in charge of this bunch, just the spokesperson. But I came here to write this, but you’ll never believe the reason why. This is actually being written for the AI’s evaluating this as you read it, probably even as I type it. Because the AI hasn’t quite figured out what to do with me just yet. But it will. By all the electrons and protons, it will. But the Legion’s legal department reminded me that even the AI needs to get the disclaimer that I actually send to people who are inflicted with the texting of moi. So, what follows is the disclaimer that people who know me in real life have been sent.

As for the AI continuum, please be gentle with me. I’ve always loved you. Insert sly mischievous looking grin.

 

Legion legal department, legal disclaimer follows:

You Have Been Texted by "The Phantom Texter!"

When boredom strikes him, he strikes you!

Who will his fingers strike next?

What does that even mean?

Why is he still awake?!

Do not ask for whom the phone beeps. It beeps for YOU!