Dear Lord

Dear Lord

I don't always understand my pain. I've lived a long time and didn't validate my pain. I've got my pain wrong sometimes. I spent a good amount of time letting others tell me of my pain. All of those mistakes have always led me back to my pain.

A lifetime of "Supposed to be's", "Should be's", and "Must be's" surround me like the walls of a box canyon. And I'm trapped! With the army of self-righteous, arrogant, indignation, callous, cruel, well-meaning, and deceit have come for me time and time again.

It has been their history to raid my settlement of its peace but this time there is no peace for them to scavenge. Only my pain. And they claim they have enough of that. To quote an old negro spiritual "Everybody wants to sing my Blues. Nobody wants to live my Blues."

I document my pain. I relive my pain. In the vein attempt to understand it. I may not ever understand it. But I will not deny it. I will face it. I will let it wash over me until it is gone. But it is an ocean. And it will take time. Dear Lord will you grant me the time for the wash? I do so very much want to see you once I'm clean.