To abandon a friend

I go now to abandon a friend.

Tonight's trip is much harder than I thought it would be. Where once I smiled and felt uplifted. Now only the darkness of the drive and relentless sound of the road echoes the confusion and emptiness in my heart. Or better yet to say the soon-to-be emptiness in my heart. Because tonight I travel to abandon a friend.

It's the right thing to do. It's the economical thing to do. But then why, why do I feel this reluctance? This dreading of every mile that takes me closer to the event? Are we so bound that in some way letting go of her is giving up on me? After all in this reality haven't I been abandoned? So why should I grieve over abandoning a friend?

They come for her next week. I don't even know when. And I'm to much the coward to know the day and time. How silly would I look standing in front of what I myself have set in motion? So I go now to prepare the way. Say my final goodbyes. And look her in the face one more time. Lay my hand upon her and tell her it's all for the best. Although it's true, why do I feel a void forming even now at the thought? Rarely and never without a tear have I ever abandon a friend.

To say that I love her in a different way, is to pay her dishonor. she has been there for me. When I cried she didn't judge. When I hurt, she took me away. We worked together, we ate together. I was there for her. When she went under the care of the specialist for weeks on end. I fought so hard to save her in the fire. Even when she lost part of a limb. We shouldn't have to part. But yet we do. How would you do it? How would you abandon a friend?



Elder in this partnership I don't know where I would have been, had it not been for her. And in me she could not have found a more sympathetic and compassionate ear. Between us two, traditional friendships of mine fail in comparison. Because of all my friends she's the one least likely to intentionally hurt me. When pain comes from her quarter you can always be assured it was accidental. Always gentle and only capable of hurting things that would stand in my path, she was. Leader in this friendship. But never as much as a firm hand on the steering than now that I have to abandon a friend.

Shenee's fault is how she was born. But how quickly she turned that into a badge of honor. And displayed it in a diamond framed "S" on her very chest. No jealousy in her mind of any love's in my heart. No hatred for any of my enemies. Only acceptance of her place in my world. But isn't that what friendship it's supposed to be? Not much of a question to ask me I've seen very little of good examples. Unlikely in this next chapter that we will ever see each other again. Unlikely in her next chapter she will keep her hard-won name. Symbolic in a lot of ways, but with more hart than I've ever been given. A moving epitaph on a fictional tombstone. 

"Here lies Shenee's fault 2006 - 2019 an abandoned friend."

May your wheels always be round, your tanks always full, and your road always flat...

~~~~~

Just a side note:
She outlasted the fakers, haters, pretenders, and well-wishers. She made me a ton of money. She gave me a ride out of what could have been a very desperate situation. She gave me a ride into what became a very desperate situation. She has given a ride to people I will never forget. She has closed her doors on people that I will never forgive.

Too much for a in adamant object you say? Oh so you're saying Michael Jackson can write a song about a rat he never had. But I can't write a couple of sentences about a truck that I did? You people suck!

Shenee