Not this day again!

Is this what I get for leaving the toilet seat up?

What misbegotten son of a turtle's lower half?

What midget did I kick to deserve this?

I asked for my horoscope. All you gave me was horror.

What kind of Universe size clown car?

Can't we say I made it through this day and move on to the next one?

Who ordered this circle jerk?

Just when I was thinking it's good not to be in a coma.

What kind of chocolate dipped nut crunch?

"Everyday is precious." He said. "I will murder you where you stand!" I replied

What in the name of spoiled milk?

He who lives to run away. Will still end up having to live this day.

Why in the name of the deepest porta potty?

If you wake up and birds are chirping and the sun is shining. This is your only warning you're still dreaming, don't open your eyes!

Who would orchestrate such a terminal velocity screw up?

Who voted for this colossal hemorrhoid attack?

I wouldn't have guessed this if you paid me $1000000 and gave me the answer?

How did this award-winning bad ideal get ramrodded?

I'd say this was a bad dream but even my imagination isn't that sick!

I find myself with no words, no paper and no pen to write the book explaining this.

I'd rather have my tooth pulled by the space shuttle than deal with this.

Chop off my legs or go through this? Not even a challenge take the legs, going through this I wouldn't need them.

You'd be nicer if you dipped me in peanut butter and threw me to the Bears!

What's the chance of me closing my eyes and this being reset?

Statistically I shouldn't live through this.

Scientifically isn't this breaking a law of physics or something?

I don't believe in reincarnation so what am I doing back here?

The last thing I remember is going to sleep. So I guess this is my nightmare?

My brain is telling me, "You don't pay me enough to figure this one out."

My gut instinct is telling me that it agrees with my brain.

Mother told me there'd be days like this.

And what day is it you ask?

Oh God, another Monday!