Truck driving fake news writer

Truck driver by day. Fake news writer by night!

Trump is responsible for Corona, the Barcelona, and he won't leave me alona!

Biden bit me at a party once. I don't remember when and I don't remember how but I got the teeth marks to prove it!

Kamala Harris molested me when I was a woman identifying as a man but cross dressing as a poodle.

Nancy Pelosi colluded with jello pudding and left a hair in it and made me eat it.

The rock band AOC just put out its new album. It's a little crazy it keeps talking about Socialism. Sometimes I just don't understand today's music.

Fox was chasing around the other networks today. That's what I love about nature.

Bernie Sanders said take from the rich and give to the poor. So he took all their bills and gave them to me.

I don't know who let the dogs out but I think it was the Democrats and one of them bit me!

The Republicans raided my frigerator and took my last banana Snapple!

At the news conference the other day matter and anti matter announced that it's OK if black lives matter.

Go ahead defun the police. They were no fun anyway.

My ex wives were sex slaves long before Jeffrey Epstein got to them.

When I get my reparations I want them as small unmarked bills.

NASA finally admitted Mars is in Wisconsin!

Elon Musk the new fragrance by Chanel.

Pre recorded speeches and conventions. I told you it was all just a show!

And now a word from our sponsors.

Do you feel run down? Out of sorts? Behind the times? Are you looking for the cure?

Well friends, family you're in luck! I don't have it, you can't get it, and you're truly screwed! A lunatic has your phone number. 

And now back to your previously scheduled lives. Which by the way really don't matter.