Good bye 2020

 123 writings later, Final piece of the year.

Good bye 2020 

I have been blessed. I have been reminded. I have learned and I have forgotten. I have yet to live life to the max, but that was not the life I was ever meant to live. I have traveled further than before. 

Much like J.R.R. Tolkien's Silmarillion, I dream of the undying lands to the east. I know now that's where I belong. It is where my people have gone. Iluvatar has ordained all these things to pass. The long ago corruption was sung and weaved into the existence of this middle earth.

Much like Harry Dresden, "The only way to never do the wrong thing, is to never do anything." So I did something... and as Bugs Bunny said "If I do'd it I'll get a wippin. I do'd it." But I didn't do nothing!

Much like a Witcher, I underwent the change because I believed. I took on the trials because I wanted to make a difference. But the people are, as the people have always been. The help they need is pleasing, until it reminds them how little they help themselves. Then the true pain begins and a coin is the least of things that they will toss.

Much like a coma patient, I know now that I may never awake to a different reality. But I tried anyway. I learned that all the pains, insults, and traumas that I perceive now are only because I'm invisible. I learned that any attention given is only to assuage the givers comfort to their own mind.

Much like Mark Watney, I've had to "Science the shit outta it!" I've analyzed and dissected and theorized. I've come up with a working hypothesis. With the rising of the sun my paper will be posted and the real work will begin on proofing it. The C.D.C will not be consulted.

Much like a great musician, I have been reminded of the power of the musical note. The subtle tone. The stringed instrument. The pitch perfect vocals. The power of the word turned rhythmic. The hidden message, hidden in even the tap of a finger on a desk.

Much like reunions, coming together's can change destinies. Coming in ones and twos or greater groups that can be enlightening. Small wished for gatherings can turn into prosecution filled trials. While large mob sized reunions can become as uplifting as a Sunday social.

Much like the instructions on a shampoo bottle. Wash rinse repeat. I must admit the more things change the more they truly never do. And the harder I fight to make them change the more they sit like the rock of Gibraltar where they are. And yet I am in a new place that oddly looks a lot like the old.

Much like Lucifer, I feel cursed to serve a purpose I disagree with. I've accepted this time around that I will be made to be whatever it is someone needs me to be. I will not be asked, consulted, considered, or listened to in the contrary. And the hardest lesson was, to stop trying to correct that.

Much like the pirate Barbosa, I seem to have lost my taste for life. I sail a peculiar yet powerful sea. It only demands that I sail it. It doesn't care how well. I find when gazing upon my hands in the blue moonlight, that I no longer see my flesh. Just the rotting bones of the walking corpse. Going through the motions. Longing to undo the curse and feel again.

Much like the Fremen of Arrakis, an ease in my existence was never promised. I've seen others and have longed for their place in it all. But I've learned enough to know wishing doesn't make it so. And there is no Deity that will give to you what they never wanted you to have to begin with. Prayers be damned.

Much like an evening at the theater, this existence is but a stage. I've been gifted a look at the script. I've been promised a bigger part by the writers. I've been told to act my part or be written out completely.

Much like the great conjunction, my greater epiphanies come together and can been seen in my minds eye just this once in a lifetime. I won't be here when they come together again. I can see it all. I can understand it. And I have absolutely no one to tell it to. But much like the astronomers of past I did take time to write them down. And long after I'm gone they may be read.

Much like Congress, I've worked very hard, to accomplish very little, but will pat myself on the back before anything else. There has been a little bipartisan discussion. There has been some pork spending. There has been some name-calling and rhetoric. But in the end my mental Congress has managed to accept that there is a job to do and that's what we've been put here to accomplish. Although there is not much joy in my state of union, it is a state and this Congress of the Mind going forward will push on.

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Where to start now at the finish? I know what I am. I know what I've done. Now that past has been diminished. I read the words of love on paper. I champion the brotherhood's. Of hate I do not hasten.

But where do I start now at the finish?

What is there to say? Not a loss of words. But the wisdom counsels me to leave them unsaid. So much ground covered 2020 times. Not much longer now in 2021. I wish to go home. I wish to be in comfort. I wish to be in where my wishes pale in comparison to my reality. I wish to feel the joy that I know others around me can experience.

May old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind. We'll taste the cup of kindness yet. For auld lang syne, for auld lang syne.

But where do I start now at the finish.....