Valentine's Day

I remember to, those eyes. I remember the desperation as my heart pleaded with me. What am I going to do without her? How can there be a "without her"? It's like it was yesterday. Or was it a year ago? Or month ago? All I know is that it was an ago. Her name started with T, or was it M, S, or C?

I remember holding her in silence in the dark. Relief from the stress of knowing she couldn't see the welling of tears in my eyes. My arms would never know again the warmth of her body. The feel of her skin against mine. The response of a squeeze here or the reaction from a touch there. It's like it was yesterday. Or was it a year ago? Or month ago? All I know is that it was an ago. Her name started with T, or was it M, S, or C?

I remember singing. I remember reciting words and hitting the notes. I remember carrying a melody. I remember thinking if this song was not made for her that she was truly made for it. And I am soo blessed to sing with both. Trying my best to ensure that my sincerity is imprinted on her soul. Impossible, to never again attempt to communicate with the cherished spirit that I adore. It's like it was yesterday. Or was it a year ago? Or month ago? All I know is that it was an ago. Her name started with T, or was it M, S, or C?

I remember dreaming. Flights of fancy that would win awards if only they could be displayed on film. Desires turning into epic love stories of a kind that would make audiences cheer for more. Wishes that would make books, novels without end. Dreams where the worst ending concludes with a smile and a dying breath of completion. To never again be inspired to even dream a fantasy. To be turned away and betrayed by your own imagination. It's like it was yesterday. Or was it a year ago? Or month ago? All I know is that it was an ago. Her name started with T, or was it M, S,or C?

I remember Valentine's Day. It was blank. It was cold. It echoed. When I cried out it was desolate. When I raged it was indifferent. When I cried it was unaffected. I remember Valentine's Day. Not existing, I remember Valentine's Day a lot. It's like it was yesterday. Or was it a year ago? Or month ago? All I know is that it was an ago. Her name started with T, or was it M, S, or C?

I survived. And I guess that's the worst part of it. I survived and so did my memories. What I knew died. Again, again, and again. The face changes and I remember. The time changes and I'm there. And the avatars come for me. And I find myself surviving Valentine's Day. The deserted and abandoned ships of my soul. The derelict vessels of my dreams. The shipwrecked inspirations to my imagination. My Sargasso Sea.

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No one should have to, no one should remember, no one should feel solidarity, no one should hurt. If I could wish for a thing, I would wish for no one to follow.

Valentine's Day. I survived. I was never asked if I wanted to.