The taste of liquid Ass

I wanted to create something that would help the citizens of the Ukraine defend themselves against a possible Russian attack. And I thought maybe something chemical but non lethal. And then I thought yes!, something that I could put in the drinking water to make it taste a certain way to incapacitate the Russian soldiers. 

And then I thought what is the nastiest thing I can think of, it came to me. A heavy chilie laden fart! 

I labored hard trying to to find the correct chemical composition and then the correct manufacturing process by which to make it a liquid. Late one night after several days of trying I had success! I had done it! Something non lethal that would surely incapacitate anyone who would dare or be unlucky enough to drink it! Even going as far as to test the substance on myself. It was straight from the anus, hainess. I dubbed it liquid ass! 

But as is my destiny, Murphy never liked me, and the fates are very unkind. Tonight, feeling a little drowsy I drank something as a pick me up. All at once it fell on me like a sky full of bricks. It seems that in my haste all I managed to do was reverse engineer a 5 hour energy drink. 

All that work... So I did what any red blooded American could do.. I bought a case and had it shipped to the Ukraine's marked poisonous. The Russian soldiers may be awake when they attack but they won't be happy about it.