Tonight

 Tonight

Tonight was a restless night. From every corner just loud. Loud from the laughter in every direction. Even with eyes shut tight too bright. Blinding white-hot loneliness. Clutching bed sheets of inadequate happiness. Head resting on a pillow of flattened hate. 

Tonight was a great celebration of accomplishment. In an office party of my demons who celebrate their milestone achievements. Never before has soo much been done by soo few but helped by soo many betrayers. The anguish awards flow like so much champagne from the celebration cups. 

Tonight is a night of prophecy. Where the future is lit with a black light. A proven hypothesis, breathing and walking you can still be dead. And even the conscience thought will know it.

Tonight is a night of loss. Tonight I realize that I have lost everything. Tonight I've come to the realization that I've lost everything I could never get. I've lost everything I never knew about. I've lost everything I never had. 

Tonight I have the conscience thought to know it.