Unintelligible Profanity

Unintelligible Profanity

by James Ray the Phantom Texter

July 2026

The Logos opening scene. The Phantom Texter’s logo breaks into unintelligible word dialogue balloons. As it seems very upset over some unknown incident. Even its words are censored out and the dialogue balloons are unreadable. As it fades into the next scene.

The scene fades into a view of the Misty Appalachian Mountains of Virginia. Where we find the spokesperson Rosie seemingly lost on a mountain this muddy road in the early morning mist. Seemingly upset and trying to locate herself on a map as she begins to speak.

“Dammit! Where in the hell am I! I know one of those tricks is goanna do my intro! Dammit!”

The scene then fades into what looks like a 1930s Appalachian schoolhouse where standing outside of it is Bella who has been tasked to introduce the Phantom’s latest work. And so she announces it.

“Well it would seem we can't find Rosie. But the show must go on. Hello, my name is Bella and aside from my other hijinks I'd like to introduce you to what the Phantom Texter has done now.

We've all been misunderstood in life. There is no universal language for any of us. The Phantom Texter thought on this and you may say he snapped. This video will come in three parts. And I'll make sure he puts timestamps in the description. Stay on your guard! Because the title is not accidental. This is a piece of, Unintelligible Profanity.”

We are then taken inside the classroom where a nondescript Oxford educated professor is giving a class to the locals. But he’s giving it in their dialect. Yes, an Oxford professor is teaching the people of the Appalachians how to speak Appalachian. And so he begins his lesson. Pointing to his blackboard he repeats for the class the phrase "Dat, Boi, an't, right." You would think that the class of mixed age adults in bib overalls and plaid shirts would instantly understand the professors class and yet they sit there bewildered looking at each other for an understanding of what he saying. The professor is exasperated. Wondering why he spent so much time in Oxford and how it’s all come down to this misunderstanding of language.

At this time one of the members of the class has the professor a letter. Quickly looking it over the professor is resigned to read it to the class.

It would seem to class that Cletus Kadiddle hopper, has written a poem which he wishes me to read to the class.

“I had the codex. I knew what to say. And I said it. But it was too plain to the ears of the jackalopes!

Hot gigglesnort of inefficient communication! Yet another ram fisted bureaucratic waste of parchment. If I were to pull the eyelashes from the anus of my disbelief, I would sparsely believe the pearl beads it would expose!

What a slap on the hyena ass of life. What acorn of idiots fell from this oak tree of obstinence! Why can't you take my hand and twist it into the understanding of my words? Or is it just your digit of a private member that holds you back from your climax? You fancy yourself a word smith, but yet the meaning of my pros slip through the wet fart of your awareness. Why can't you compute this distillery of urine that refuses flush?

I speak the Queens English! The Lord of Webster has kicked this turd on a page or two. My nouns and pronouns are superimposed over the crotch of what I'm trying to say. Why can't you slap the dog on his hind quarters and get this wagon train in the ditch?

I know ten thousand ways to cook a biscuit. I know a hundred ways to snatch a Bandersnatch. Yet every time I talk to you I can't smack the nappy head of crab infested enlightenment. Is it me? Is there something wrong with the way my tongue phrases the clit? That cannot be the full scrotum of the problem! Some of this must be laid at the feet of your androgynous zones! I cannot be the only one who cannot conference the g-spot!

After all wasn't it I who slapped the bitch in the cold? Surely you remember the finger! Was it that long ago that I pissed your name in the snow? No, I didn't take a squat and defecate in the middle of your vomit. So don't tell me now you can't comprehend the shit!

A codex, a codex, my kingdom for a codex!

Let's part as friends, and beware the pilgrims. For they bring the dialect of fools!”

Exasperated the professor clears his throat and says thank you to Mr. Kadiddle Hopper, for this writing. Exasperated he mutters “And for this I went to Oxford.”

We leave the professor in his classroom tribulations to go back outside where another of the phantoms actresses addresses the viewers. Real-nay speaks.

And of course you didn’t think the Phantom was going to leave it at that did you? Why would he ever do that! 

As she laughs

take a moment and watch this rather unhinged operatic music video that the Texter went through the trouble of crafting. All I can say is, I’m glad I wasn’t in it.

And again she breaks into laughter… As the scene fades into black.

When the scene comes back the viewer is shown an opera stage where a seemingly sakes. In after is singing out the words of the actual poem. In a very somber manner holding what can only be assumed to be the codex.

With the stage lights on him he passionately sings the lines. Unbeknownst to him a mysterious figure who resembles the much-famed Captain Jack sparrow. But it is in fact the Phantom Texter and his guys as the Phantom Captain he watches from a private booth the two actors on the stage. One of which is quite attractive and familiar. It turns out the actress on the stage is one of his. In fact it’s Bella. He smiles. 

As she sings her solo part she is greeted on the stage by the Captain who offers his hand as they begin to dance in the middle of the performance when all the sudden the captains first mate. Eve arrives to interrupt the two. Bella stands in shock paralysis as Eve stands face-to-face with her seething and breathing heavily enough to cause a gale wind! All the while the performance has never faltered. 

As the male singer continues to sing the poem in dramatic fashion Bella finds a way behind stage as the performance continues. She comes upon a dressing room door that is labeled Phantom Captain. She knocks, but as her bad luck would have it the captains other mate Abby answers. Abby looks her up and down with a very dismissive look and slams the door on port Bella’s face. And yes the performance is still ongoing.

On the next cut away from the music video as it still plays in the background we find Bella in her pirate attire. Walking down the dock to see the Phantom Captain. But this time she’s intercepted by another one of her castmate’s, Dee. But all dressed in black Dee is not having this liaison happen on her watch she intercepts Bella and has some un-heard words with her as she looks on dejected as the Captain nonchalantly the size to be somewhere else. The scene flashes back to the opera stage with the performance still ongoing. But we all know not for long.

On the next visual interruption we see the dear Captain on a beach examining his latest treasure chest. Which oddly enough is the moment Bella once again tries to approach the dear Captain. Of course only to be met in opposition my another one of her castmate’s. Aries and her quite fetching pirate blouse and dress stand in opposition to Bella’s efforts. And again Bella is distraught by the Stern and angry looks from her cybernetic AI and silver skinned coworker. As she’s turned away in defeat. Poor Bella was a girl gotta do to get some attention in this troupe

As the opera continues in what can only be considered the background that is unseen the scene switches to the deer pirate captain of the 1600s sitting in a futuristic starship. Sitting on the bridge in what seems to be a hybrid ancient leather chair that’s been made high-tech. And of course one of the crew members in splendid fleet uniform and not necessarily regulation golden brown miniskirt runs in Bella. Now’s her chance. But it is not meant to be, she gets stopped by what we can only guess is the chief of security. Yes, another of her sister actors, Rave. And rave is completely adorned in her fleet uniform of black, rounded out by the very prominent side arm on her hip. She steps in front of Bella in her headlong dash for the Captain. She gives her a very stern and professional look and utters words that can’t be heard over the opera still playing. But it is clear by facial expressions and her hand on her side arm that this choice is ill advised.

As one scene fades into another we are back to the operatic stage where the performers have completed their crescendo, turned their backs on each other and walk off as the spotlight highlights the codex on the floor with the glove of challenge laid on top of it… 

Snap to black….

At this point there is one final introduction made by the lost Rosie. Who has given up on her quest to find the filming location. She takes the final opportunity to give the introduction to the Google notebooks deep dive.

Linguistic Befuddlement: A behind the scenes look

The Phantom Texter

July 2026

Because after I had Google Notebook evaluate the writing "Unintelligible Profanity" and omg they were so close, so very close! Haha haha.

But that's what you get sometimes when you send an AI to do a man's job! Haha haha

So here's my attempt to give it a codex.

The title "Unintelligible Profanity" is not accidental and must be kept in perspective when analyzing the poem. And yes it is a poem. The piece is social commentary. It is not romantic. It can be seen as a lack of communication. As a profound study in how to be unintelligible yet still capable of transmitting emotion. But as in all things without a codex, can you really understand it? Haha haha

And above all else it is not written to express humans and AI communications. It's written to express the communication between humans. I just wanted the AI to see it and pontificate. Haha haha

Yes that's the Phantom Texter for you. ~ "Corrupting the minds and AIs since 1966!" Haha haha